Today is my forty-ninth birthday. A birthday is frequently a time that we (or at least I anyway) find ourselves looking back on our life, and looking forward to think about what remains of that life. I've actually been meaning to write more about Time ever since that initial blog entry way back in 2010. I've also been meaning to write more here at the blog in general. About two-and-a-half months ago I made a bit of a promise to myself (and any readers who might care) to write more than I have been in the past few years. And then...it took me about two-and-a-half months to write again! I can blame some of that on Time and not having enough of it but, to be honest, for the most part it was my own fault.
But anyway, as I mentioned, I wrote about Time and my issues with it eight years ago. Those issues have never gone away, and have in fact become even more complicated as Time has continued to march on. While the idea of writing about Time again has been on my mind for a while, the approach of yet another birthday has finally spurred me on to get some words down on paper (or the screen, as it were). I decided to revisit that old post myself to see what I had written way back when Monster Dad was still a new thing in my life. As it turned out, it was written EXACTLY eight years ago...on my birthday! Back then I was turning forty-one. The blog post actually did a pretty good job of explaining my issues with Time and what life is like for someone in my situation. There's no doubt that I've placed too much emphasis on complaining about and worrying about Time (wasting much precious Time in the process), but it still seemed like a good idea to share my experiences for anyone who might happen to feel the same or similar in some ways. And I suppose it also serves as a bit of some sort of "therapy" for me to share it and "get it out there". Who knows. But whatever the reason, I'm here to talk and complain about Time once again!
Time is a constant. Time is a concept that was invented by man as a way to explain, well, I suppose the only word to describe it is...Time. For whatever reason I have always been acutely aware of the passage of Time, even as a small kid. Despite what I just mentioned about Time being a constant, there have been times where I've definitely felt that Time was moving very slowly. This has generally been while I was sitting in a class in school desperately waiting for it to be over or some similar situation (a watched pot will never boil, a watched clock will never ring to tell you class is FINALLY done). But much more frequently I've felt that Time has moved a lot FASTER than it should be moving. This feeling has only increased as I've grown older. I think that this is generally a pretty common thing for most people. There's a paradox where children feel Time is moving too slowly and adults feel it is moving too quickly (despite the cold, hard facts that tell us it is moving at the same pace ALL THE TIME). I feel that people (like myself) have an inner understanding or sensation of Time that is constant in its own way, but separate from the scientific constant of Time. When we're young we feel Time is moving very slowly. We don't suddenly shift to feeling the opposite when we reach adulthood. Instead, our concept of Time is constantly evolving as we're aging. It slowly increases (at a constant pace) so that it feels a bit "less slow" each year. At some point we actually reach a balance where our sensation of the passage of Time matches up with the actual pace of Time. I don't know when this balance is achieved (Teen years? Early adulthood? Maybe it's different for everyone?), but we don't keep it for long. Just like Time, our sensation of the passage of Time continues to speed up (remember I mentioned it was a constant?). Suddenly we find ourselves wondering "where did the Time go?". That feeling only continues to increase as we continue to age. What causes this to happen? Well, it could be that our young, immature minds are only equipped to deal with Time that way. As we age and our minds develop we are set on an unfortunate course toward not only a better understanding of the world, but also toward a continually faster-paced world. On the other hand...this might all just be something I'm imagining. Either way, I guess that's my theory. It's the best that my mind has been able to come up with to try to explain something so simple yet so complicated as the passage of Time.
Now, let's get back to a more personal level. It's hard to believe that the original Monster Dad vs. Time blog was posted eight years ago today. It's hard to believe that it's taken me this long to revisit the subject. It's also hard to believe--or maybe it shouldn't be based on what I just said above about my crackpot theory on the passage of Time--that it does indeed feel like Time's moving even faster than it was in 2010! At the time I was complaining about the fact that, in addition to being forty-one myself, the Little Monster was five years old. And, the Tiny Beast was already almost one-and-a-half. They seemed to be growing up so fast (too fast)! Jump forward to now and the Little Monster isn't so little anymore. She's less than two months away from being a teenager! And the Beast is nine! A lot has happened in the eight years between these two blog posts, but it really does feel like it has gone by in the blink of an eye.
The lesson to be learned here is probably one that involves me "slowing down" to enjoy things and to stop worrying about Time and how much it seems to be against me. That all sounds well and fine, but it's hard to teach an old dog (or Monster Dad) new tricks. And this whole issue with Time is something that's been with me for close to half a century now. I don't see it going away any time soon.
Here's a final thought that touches on the ravages of Time on a personal level. In the original Monster Dad vs. Time blog I mentioned that I had recently entered my forties. I tried to take comfort in the fact that it was at least the "early-forties". But then a couple years later I found myself in the undeniable land of the "mid-forties". I tried to hold onto that as long as I could before finally admitting I was in my "late-forties". Now I have to jokingly tell everyone (including myself) that this forty-ninth year means that I am indeed STILL in my forties. Even if it's as late as you can get in your "late forties", at least I'm still not FIFTY yet! It's mainly a matter of semantics, but it's still true. But give it another 364 days or so and we'll see where we are...
"Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future"
Fly Like an Eagle, by the Steve Miller Band
*As in the original blog post I decided to capitalize the word "Time" when it appears as the subject of this post as if it were a proper name. I figure that Time really is kind of the lead "character" of sorts in this post, and capitalizing it just seems appropriate--even if it's not 100% grammatically correct.
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